Kendall met a young man, Paul, who worked at a coffee shop nearby her work. Each morning she would stop in to get her piping hot coffee and exchange a few comments with Paul. It wasn’t long before there was an attraction starting in Kendall towards Paul.
Her mind began to spin with thoughts, “What if he likes me? What if he asked me out on a date? What do I think about him? What would our kids be like? What kind of future would we have together?” Over the next few days, Kendall’s thoughts became so enthralled with the coffee shop man. Slowly, he began to consume her thinking and she began to envision a life with him.
Kendall was giving her heart a way, emotionally, to a man who did not even know her or a man who truly cared about her. She allowed her attraction to him to seep into consuming her thought life and even, began giving her heart away to him emotionally.
This was all way too soon, and way too fast. How could she have let it all happen so quickly when she didn’t even know him?
What are Emotional Boundaries?
Emotional boundaries are when you set boundaries for yourself in order to protect your heart and mind. I like to think about it the same way that I set physical boundaries for myself with a guy. For example, I have decided not to just go out with a guy friend for a one-on-one lunch or I have decided not to text a guy after 10PM. These are boundaries that I have placed so that I am not only protecting myself emotionally but I am guarding my heart in the process. I am not allowing my heart and mind to go places where they, frankly, have no place wandering or when there is not even a reason that they should go there.
Why Do I Need To Establish Emotional Boundaries?
We all have physical boundaries, in which, we either have in our relationships now or will have in our relationships in the future. However, have you ever thought about how important setting emotional boundaries is?
I, for one, had not truly thought about the importance of setting emotional boundaries until a friend and I were talking about it a few years ago and she was explaining how she had spent all this time dreaming about marriage with a man she was acquainted with however they were not even in a relationship nor would they ever end up in a relationship. She explained to me how the thoughts began to consume her, just like Kendall, and when it was clear there would be no relationship, she was completely devastated. She had emotionally given her heart to a man who could never fulfill those dreams in her mind.
Through her wisdom, I learned the importance of setting boundaries with my emotions and learned to try to keep my thoughts in check. Emotions are tied deeply with the heart which can then trigger our thoughts and change the way that we think about someone. It is so easy to give your heart away to someone who has no business having your heart in their hands because you choose to give it away to easily. When you establish emotional boundaries for yourself, you are saving yourself a lot of pain and heartache in the long run because you have chosen to see yourself as someone worth pursing, a woman who is worth a man who will take care of your heart and not just handle it by throwing caution to the wind.
Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Emotions
It is so easy to give your heart away to a man who is not yet ready to treasure and treat it like a precious gift. There are far too many women in our culture who do not understand the value of guarding their hearts and minds emotionally. Learning how to guard your heart, mind, and emotions is something that you have to decide for yourself.
Take some time to decide what you need to do in order to set boundaries for yourself so that your heart, mind, and emotions will be saved for a man who is worth having them. Don’t just easily throw yourself onto someone or allow your thoughts to be consumed by someone who has no interest in pursing you.
One great book that has really helped me to establish my own emotional boundaries is a book called, “Emotional Purity” by Heather Paulsen. It is such a great book because it dives into the purpose behind emotional boundaries and provides amazing stories as examples for you to clearly understand why you need emotional boundaries.
God gave us our emotions for a reason. It is a wonderful thing to have when it is used the right way! I highly recommend reading the book. Visit a local coffee shop in your area, take the book with you, grab a journal, and read the book while writing down some of the emotional boundaries that you want to set in your own life.
Darling, I pray that this post and the book help you to see that you are valued and esteemed and that emotional boundaries are important to helping you thrive as a single woman, if you are dating, or even if you are married.