Scrolling through Facebook during the holidays is bound to place seeds of disappointment in your heart. As I was looking through my friends’ pictures, it seemed like picture after picture after picture was on how he planned the most amazing-breathtaking-all-around-perfect proposal, weddings galore, cutesy-heart-melting couple pictures, and surprise-we-are-having-a-baby announcements. As a single girl, it can be disheartening to see all of your friends going through the stages of life you hoped and wished you were at right now. Instead, you are all alone on a Friday night with nothing left to do but feel sorry for yourself that you don’t have a man or that you are all by yourself.The pity party is one that every single girl needs to hide in her closet, never to come out, like the monsters under the bed. Pity parties for yourself or your situation don’t help you in any way.
The pity party is one that every single girl needs to hide in her closet, never to come out, like the monsters under the bed. Pity parties for yourself or your situation don’t help you in any way. Instead, I find myself sorrier for myself at the end of any pity party rather than being more content.
Every season of your life will be new and exciting. A friend once shared with me the importance of enjoying each season you are currently in because you never know what the next season might bring. While we may not look at singleness as a season of life; it truly is one. Whether singleness is for many seasons of your life or if it is just one season, God is working through your season.
Don’t Wait for Singleness to be Over
One of the worst ways to spoil your life is to just sit around and wait for things to happen. You have to take action! Women of action are women that can do incredible things for the Lord! We can sit and wallow in how unfair life is or why can’t our husband just come but that is not the life that we are called to live. Life can be so exciting if we just allow the Lord to use us in every season of our life.
Singleness is not a burden but a gift. There is so much we can do with our lives when we are single. You have the ability to serve at church or to minister with young women or to run out on the spur of a moment because your friend needs you. 1 Corinthians describes how we all have a gift chosen by God, as Paul writes in chapter seven, verse seven; “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” Each season of life is precious. Each season is unique. Take your gift and use it for His glory.
What Defines Your Life?
Darling, marriage is not what defines your life but rather marriage can be a part of your life. These are two very different outlooks. If your view of getting married is something that you cannot live without and you feel like your life is over if you don’t get married, well then, you are not in a healthy place. Marriage has become an idol in your life.
There have been seasons in my life where I have so desperately wanted a marriage that it became an unhealthy idea, which turned into an obsession. I thought that if I was not married by my early twenties that there must be something wrong with me. However, while I knew this was not true, this was the lie I had bought. Marriage in our culture is viewed far above anything else and if you don’t have a spouse then something must be wrong with you. While our culture doesn’t value marriage the way Christians value marriage (being between one man and one woman for your life and being committed to them until you die), the culture still believes marriage is important.
Are you the girl who thinks she will never get married? Well, I can tell you one thing, you are not alone. There are many other women who have thought this very fact. Darling, there is nothing “wrong” with you if you are not married. It just means that it is not your season of life right now. I believe with all my heart, that I will get married one day, but that one day is not now. If marriage defined who I am, then I would be a complete mess and I would feel like my life has yet to start. This is not the truth! Marriage is a great and wonderful part of life but it is not life itself.
Your life is not over if you never get married! You just have the opportunity to serve the Lord in ways which your married friends are not able to serve. If there is something you would like to do, say coffee dates with friends or serving at church, you don’t have to ask your husband but instead, you are free to do whatever you wish to serve Him. Everyone is single for a season and some seasons are longer than others. Don’t doubt the Lord’s plan for your life just because you don’t see getting married anytime in the future. You may get married or you may not get married but that is all in the Lord’s hands. Singleness is not the end-all-I’m-going-to-die-my life-is-over kind of thing but rather just part of your life.
Letting Go and Enjoying Singleness
Don’t become so focused on the men around you wondering, “Is that him? Or is it that one?” but instead focus your attention on the wife you need to be one day. This very thought radically changed my life! Instead of being so focused on trying to find a man who could possibly be “the one”, I decided to work on myself. Each and everyday I see my shortcomings and what I need to work on in my own life.
Darling, I know the pain of doubting and wondering if you will ever get married but that is not your burden to carry! As difficult as it is to surrender this area, the area of marriage to the Lord, I want to encourage you to lift your burden to the Lord and allow Him to have full control of this area. I’m still single just like you! I don’t know if I will ever get married or when I will get married but I know that I am going to serve the Lord in my singleness and enjoy each season as it comes. Darling, trust Him in your singleness, serve Him in your singleness, and be content despite the difficulty of not knowing what each season holds, but trusting that your identity is in Christ and not in marriage.