I sighed again. Why did the whole dating and love thing seem to come so easy for everyone else? Was I the only one who felt like she didn’t know what she was doing and that she had failed at yet another relationship?
It didn’t matter what people told me or what I tried to do, nothing was going to save the relationship. The tears weren’t so much about the heartbreak, even though it left me broken, but the fact I had failed to see the truth again. The bubble I had been living in had not only been popped but it had shattered right before my eyes.
As the days passed I began to lose hope that I would find the love I was looking for. It seemed so far away and the wait was anything but hopeful. All the thoughts in my head were trying to be okay with just being single for the rest of my life. But if I was being raw, being honest, being real, I was not okay with it.
I struggled with why God had allowed me to desire marriage but then to only be single for yet another year. Love and marriage seemed so far and honestly, it seemed like it would never be worth the wait.
I had come to the point that even if the Lord never brought someone into my life, that I needed to be okay if it was just me and the Lord. Finding true contentment in the Lord and in completely, utterly in Him alone. Contentment just being with the Lord isn’t based upon circumstances but on a steady journey of knowing that I will only be the real, raw me with Him by my side. It’s finding joy in the journey of life with God. Not in the temporary satisfying of life itself.
So Which Girl Are You?
So maybe you are the girl who has never had a boyfriend. The girl who is waiting for the guy she is to marry but he wait just seems to keep growing longer. Who is still sitting at home on a Friday night alone while all of her friends have dates.
The girl who has had failed relationship after failed relationship. The girl who is longing to be loved and accepted. The girl who has tried her hardest to make the relationship work but she just can’t hold onto the dream any longer. Who has to accept the fact that it wasn’t always her fault.
The girl who wants to be married but is too scared of what it could look like because you never had a loving, father figure in your life. Or you never had a godly example of what a marriage should look like. The girl whose parent’s divorced when she was little and the thought of being in a committed relationship, or even marriage, is something that will never work for her.
The girl who passed her 20’s years ago and there is still no prospect of a husband on the horizon. The girl who thinks maybe an okay marriage is better than no marriage at all. The girl who doesn’t want to be alone forever so maybe you just have to settle on a few things.
Giving Your All To Him When You Just Want To Hold On
Over the years, whenever I don’t understand what is happening in my life or why God would allow me to go through various situations, my friend would show me a picture she had found. It was a picture of Jesus kneeling in front of a little girl holding a teddy bear. The little one had tears in her eyes as Jesus is asking the child to give him the teddy bear. Unbeknownst to the girl, Jesus has an even bigger and teddy bear behind his back but she has to release her teddy bear in order to receive the one Jesus has for her.
This picture has often played in my heart and mind when I don’t understand what God is doing. All I can know is that He is working everything for my good. Sometimes the good has to be taken away in order for the best to happen in the future.
No matter what season of life you are in during your single years, it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make the light at the end of tunnel for your singleness any closer. It just makes the wait worth that much more knowing that the while love may be further away than you originally thought God is still working in your life. He is pruning you and preparing you to bring you to true maturity.
So Darling, don’t give up or give in because the wait seems to be too long or love seems like it will never happen to you. It will but just not the way that you thought it would. Don’t give you love away for a cheap imitation of love or to a guy who won’t treasure your heart. But wait. In God’s timing and in His way, He will show you that all the love you have been waiting to give will go to a man who is worthy of your affection. A man who has placed Christ first in his life. A man that God brings into your life in the right timing and in the right way. Until then Darling, wait patiently and allow the Lord to have His perfect work in your life.
“Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me.” -Micah 7:7
“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.” –Song of Song 2:7