Everyone goes into a relationship with his or her own expectations. They have hopes and dreams of how the relationship will go but then a few months into the relationship, something happens. All of a sudden the expectations become a reality that was never there before, because most expectations are unspoken ones. Sometimes, they can even be ones that are very unrealistic. I have had my own set of expectations in a relationship and it has been more hurtful than helpful. These are a few of the expectations that I dealt with and ones that most women deal with when you enter into a new relationship. I hope these help you to place realistic expectations in your relationship or in preparation for your future relationship.
1. He will have flaws
You will never find a relationship anywhere, marriage or dating, where one person is perfect. Everyone has their flaws and when you start dating or get married, you carry those flaws with you into the relationship. No one will ever be perfect!
It’s learning to work through those flaws in your relationship that you begin to grow and slowly improve in those areas. There is not one day in my life where I think I have it all together. Each day I am reminded of where I fall short; learning to be more patient, growing in self-control, or keeping a guard on what I am saying and how I am saying it. It’s exactly the same for him.
He is not perfect or will he ever be perfect! At the beginning of your relationship, you may not have seen those flaws or maybe you ignored them however, the longer you are in a relationship together the more conformable you become with each other and then the more and more you begin to see each other’s flaws come out.
We all have this perception of marriage and we so desperately long for the perfect “happily ever after” that we see in fairytales. There is just one problem with this picture though; perfect. When you get married, you are entering into a marriage as a sinner and you are marring a sinner. So when two sinners come together in marriage, even though they love the Lord, it will still take time and work to grow together.
Yes, some flaws will take more time to work on then others but I think the main key is that both of you are working on improving those little things and allowing the Lord to bring to light things you can both work on.
“For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.” –Ecclesiastes 7:20
2. He cannot read your mind
As women, we tend to think that men can read our minds. Well, as most of you have probably figured out, they cannot read our minds. No matter how much we want them to or how much we think that they can.
In a previous relationship I was in, we had had an argument and I was upset because he didn’t understand why I was frustrated and upset. Once we sat down and started talking about the situation, and he expressed how he truly did not know what he did wrong and how he needed me to explain. I was dumbfounded. I thought he knew exactly what had happened and how much it had hurt my feelings. However, I was wrong.
Looking back, I know I was in the wrong for being upset with him and not telling him right away that what he did or didn’t do really upset me. However, that is where the growing in my life took place. I opened my eyes and made me realize how my lack of communication caused all the frustration because I thought he knew exactly why I was upset.
One of the biggest lessons I learned through that talk was how much pressure we place on the men in our lives to read our minds. Its okay to open up and explain why that made you upset. If you don’t, then that one issue is bound to snowball into more and more issues until you resolve the original issue.
If he has offended you, and there will be times when he does and when you offended him, take him aside and be vulnerable to telling him why it hurt you. How can he know if he did something wrong if you never tell him?
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” –Matthew 18:15
“Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”–Colossians 3:13
3. There will be difficult times
Relationships will not always be easy! They will take work, there will be time of difficulty and times of joy, there will be mountain tops and valley lows. However, it is through these difficult times in which you will grow closer together as a couple and in the Lord.
As difficult as times can be, I would not wish for life to be perfect because it is in the darkest, most difficult times in my life in which I have experienced the Lord’s closeness in my life like never before! All I had was the Lord in these times and it caused my heart to draw close to him and to sit at his feet and listen to him. I had to wait for him to move because I had no other option and I had to allow him to open doors because there were no doors open before me.
Have you been through times like this? I’m sure you have. Each season in your life will bring about different challenges. Some seasons will be easier than others and some will be more difficult. As a couple you have the opportunity to experience each season together and you have the opportunity to build each other up as you walk through the times.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10