Kendall met a young man, Paul, who worked at a coffee shop nearby her work. Each morning she would stop in to get her piping hot coffee and exchange a few comments with Paul. It wasn’t long before there was an attraction starting in Kendall towards Paul.
Her mind began to spin with thoughts, “What if he likes me? What if he asked me out on a date? What do I think about him? What would our kids be like? What kind of future would we have together?” Over the next few days, Kendall’s thoughts became so enthralled with the coffee shop man. Slowly, he began to consume her thinking and she began to envision a life with him.
Kendall was giving her heart a way, emotionally, to a man who did not even know her or a man who truly cared about her. She allowed her attraction to him to seep into consuming her thought life and even, began giving her heart away to him emotionally.
Why The Need For Emotional Boundaries In A Relationship?
We all have physical boundaries, in which, we either have in our relationships now or will have in our relationships in the future. However, have you ever thought about how important setting emotional boundaries is? I, for one, had not truly thought about the importance of setting emotional boundaries until a friend and I were talking about it a few years ago and she was explaining how she had spent all this time dreaming about marriage with a man she was acquainted with however they were not even in a relationship nor would they end up in a relationship. She explained to me how the thoughts began to consume her, just like Kendall, and when it was clear there would be no relationship, she was completely devastated. She had emotionally given her heart to a man who could never fulfill those dreams in her mind.
Through her wisdom, I learned the importance of setting boundaries with my emotions and learned to try to keep my thoughts in check. Emotional boundaries are similar to physical boundaries, in the sense that we have set up standards that we will not cross and a wall to protect our heart and mind from an emotional heartbreak. Emotions are tied deeply with the heart and when we allow our emotions to blindside the situation then we are setting ourselves up for an emotional heartbreak
What Causes An Emotional Affairs
Before you can establish emotional boundaries, you have to recognize what it is that is that can cause emotional heartbreak so that you can prevent it. One aspect of emotional purity is guarding your mind. Guarding your mind is not allowing yourself to overthink the friendship and make it into something else in your mind. As women, it is easy to automatically place ourselves into the relationship with the man before we are even dating, and then somehow our minds wander until all of a sudden you two are married, have a little boy and a younger baby girl, live in a house with a white picket fence and wrap around porch, and you are going on romantic dates as a married couple. It is amazing how fast it all happens until in your mind you are far along in your beautiful marriage when in reality, he is just your friend right now and you are not even in a relationship with him.
Part of guarding your emotions and your heart is not over committing in your heart and placing the man you are thinking about in a place that he is currently not. If you are in the stage of talking and getting to know each other, then don’t pretend to be his girlfriend in your mind. It is incredibly difficult not to do this! I am the type of girl who is a sappy romantic at heart! Engagement stories, how we met, and fairytale weddings all make my heart overflow with happiness!
Darling, as much as you don’t see the impact of allowing your mind to move forward in your thinking, in the end, if you do not end up in a relationship then this is where you will experience one part of emotional heartbreak. I understand the struggle! I know how desperately we want to dream about the future and how perfect our married lives will be when we are together, but it is just not reality. I constantly have to allow the Lord to take my thoughts captive and release them to Him. I struggle with this but it is where I know that I have to continually ask the Lord to help my mind to be held accountable to Him and to allow Him to know the very thoughts of my heart and mind.
Our hearts, minds, and thoughts are all intertwined with our emotions. Our emotions are intertwined to our actions. If we allow our emotions to have full reign over who we are, then the thoughts and emotions filling our mind and heart will soon have full control over the actions that we choose to take. Regardless, if we deem them appropriate or not.
Learning Not To Just Give Your Heart And Emotions Away to Every Man
Carter is a man who you were interested in but then after watching him for a little while and seeing what his true character is, you realized that he is not the kind of man who is husband potential. A few months have passed since you first noticed him in June and now you have moved him from the list of optional to the list of never-will-I-date men.
October subtly floats in and then one day, Carter begins to approach you. After he makes a formal introduction, he then proceeds to tell you how he think you are beautiful and how he loves your heart and passion for Jesus. You know that you are not interested in Carter in a romantic way but you don’t want to lead him on so after your initial conversation, you try and do everything you can so that he picks up on your subtle hints of not being interested. Then he starts following you on social media and commenting on all of your posts, he then starts pursing you by making sure to talk to you every Sunday and Wednesday at church, and complements you on what you are wearing and how you love the Lord. Little by little, without meaning to, you heart is becoming attached to Carter, even though you are not interested in him, because of how he is pursing your heart. All of a sudden you are interested in Carter because of the attention he is showing you.
Learning To Protect Your Heart and Emotions
There is nothing wrong with longing for a man to pursue you. In fact, it is placed deep within a man to pursue! It is okay to long for the right man to pursue your heart and to go out of his way to show interest for you and do sweet little things. Instead of receiving this kind of pursuit from the right man, instead, your heart became attached to a man whom is a counterfeit of the real man that you always dreamed of marrying. It is far too easy to become attached to the wrong man because your emotions are starting to take control over the actions you are making. It is not easy to keep your emotions under control! I feel like I wear my emotions on my sleeve sometimes and like I just can’t hold it all together. But there is a time to share and a time to keep quiet. There is a time when we can open up to the man we are interested in with the right emotions but there is also a time when we need to place our emotions in check and set them aside while we make our decisions with a clear head and not with an over-emotional-but-I-just-want-a-boyfriend type of heart.
It is so very easy to give your heart away to a man who is not yet ready to treasure and treat it like a precious gift. There are far too many men (and women) in our culture who do not understand the value of guarding their hearts and minds emotionally. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Our heart is where all of our emotions are stored up, where we find our source of life, and where life itself begins! Think of your heart as a present that is waiting to be open by your future husband, one day. You don’t want someone who is a counterfeit to be the one who is given the key to your heart unless he is the one that you are going to marry or will marry. Protect your heart, your mind, and your emotions for from it flows the actions that we chose to make every day.