Butterflies in your stomach. Heart racing. Nervously laughing. Bright smile. Do you remember how you felt the first time your eyes met or when he smiled at you? Something instantly drew you to him. You can’t quite explain it but you knew that you needed to get to know him. There was just something about him that made your heart race a little faster.
So What Is The Big Deal With Infatuation?
The moments of falling in love all along the way towards starting a relationship are all so fresh and new. The infatuation stage in the relationship has begun to take place. Infatuation has a tremendously strong effect on the brain. If you were to get an MRI of your brain while you are in the stages of infatuation, it would be similar to the MRI of someone who is addicted to crack? Crazy right?! Who knew that infatuation could have that much of a stronghold over our thought process, brain, and lives?
Infatuation is not a lasting feeling like love but rather infatuation lasts about six months to a couple years before it wears off. This is one reason why you don’t want to rush into marriage because when the infatuation of the person wears off, will you still love them for who they truly are?
The only way to know what love instead of infatuation is, is through looking at God’s words so we understand love His way. 1 Corinthians 13, otherwise known as the love chapter in the Bible, describes God’s view of love, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Loves never fails…and now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (verses 4-8, 13). His love never fails but only greater in time. I think that every person desires the kind of love, which reflects the love in Corinthians. We will never be able to fulfill these qualities of love on our own but with the Lord’s help, we can try to love as He has loves.
Love vs. Infatuation
Now that we know what true love is, which can only be molded after God’s love, let’s look at a few of the differences between love and infatuation:
- Long, everlasting, and based on the inward characteristics
- Willing to work on the relationship
- Places others needs above their own
- Selfless in its very nature
- Sees all the flaws, imperfections, and brokenness
- Listens to advice
- Stands the test of time
- Patient in the process
- Quick, and based on outward appearance
- Selfish and places their needs above the needs of others
- Looks through rose-colored glasses to see the other person
- Head over heels at first sight
- Ignores the wisdom of others
- Diminishes over time
- Impulsive in the process
Not everyone experiences the same level of infatuation in their relationships. Some will be stronger on the infatuation side at the beginning of their relationship while others while have a very low side of infatuation. One word of advice when dealing with infatuation: Just because you are in love with him does not mean that you should marry him. Darling, you might have a good case of infatuation. What is your love based on? Is it standing on only circumstantial situations or character qualities that are still hidden? Look at the list of infatuation vs. love and see which category you might fall into with the list.
The Honest Truth About Infatuation
The man you are interested in must be one who you is that you would marry based on his qualities right now. No dreaming about what he could be in five years or how much different he will be after you are married or how he will change once he has the right job. You have to be in love with the man he is right now, regardless if he will ever change or grow. Infatuation looks toward what could change about him and focus only on the dreaming aspect of the relationship. True love will love him where he is right now; good, bad, and ugly.
When feelings dictate our relationships then we can make decisions we tend to regret later. Acting on emotions rather than facts. Our feelings will change from day and to day and if our love is only based on emotions then why wouldn’t our marriage end in divorce? Emotions are not meant to guide you but to help you know what you love. If I choose to only love my future husband on the good days or when I was happy, then what would I do when the challenges of life begin to take their toll on my life?
The Honest Truth About True Love
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is a wonderful emotion and I cannot imagine life without emotions. There are so many emotions in the dating relationship and process that you will be and are currently experiencing. Don’t allow your emotions to dictate the choices you make and the way your relationship is going. The Lord has given us a sound mind to have control over our lives. Paul, a bondservant of Christ, wrote in 2 Timothy 1:7 that, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” God has provided each of us with the ability think and weigh our decisions. The problem is that we tend to rush into relationships because we are afraid of missing out on the guy or we are afraid we will not be moving in His timing so we move ahead of Him.
Infatuation rushes into relationships but love takes its time. Slowly weighing each decision with prayer. God is so faithful to revel the secret places of our heart and expose them to us. I have rushed into relationships only to regret it because I did not spend time praying and asking for His wisdom. Love has no need to fear of the future because it knows that the Lord is in control.
Is there someone you are currently interested in? Ask the Lord for His wisdom, for Him to revel things to you, which you do not know about that person yet. He is so faithful to do just that! When I am interested in someone, I will start praying and watching him. As I pray and observe, the Lord will gently revel qualities about their character or about their life in general. I will admit, that sometimes I do not want to hear the answer, but I would rather move on now before anything starts then to live in a marriage that is not to the blessing it could have been because I did not want to heed the Lord’s wisdom.
Accountability plays a tremendous role in overcoming the feelings of infatuation over love. When you are immersed in the relationship, you tend to only have one eye open instead of observing all the facts with two eyes open. Gaining the wisdom of friends will help you to get advice from those who are not directly involved in the relationship. When you are not in the relationship itself, you can offer real advice because you are not emotionally vested in the relationship. Ask your friends for their real, raw honest advice. I know it can be hard to hear at times but they will see and hear things you may not have seen or heard.